Why Do I Keep Doing This?

"KirkyV" (KirkyV) 07/19/2016 at 10:22 • Filed to: None

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I WALKED OUT OF THE LAST ONE.

I only know the ending ‘cause someone got me the blu-ray for christmas.

... Well, at least I get my cinema tickets for free.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > KirkyV 07/19/2016 at 10:25

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Somebody’s got to, I suppose.

KirkyV > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 07/19/2016 at 10:31

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Me when the shields fail to so much as show up, again , and the dirt bike comes out:

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > KirkyV 07/19/2016 at 10:38

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Some Star Trek movies are strong enough to survive starting with a badly-executed and nonsensical car chase scene. Barely.

Not sure the first JJTrek qualifies, and it’s been downhill from there.

Sam > KirkyV 07/19/2016 at 10:39

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But this one has a woman that looks like she’s from Mass Effect!

KirkyV > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 07/19/2016 at 10:47

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Honestly, I’d say neither really manages it. I really like one specific bit of Nemesis - it has, if not my favourite, one of my top three Star Trek space battles - but the rest of it’s just... Yeah, nah. Not keen.

(I actually find the Nemesis chase a great deal more egregious than the Corvette shite in JJTrek 1 ; neither really fits the franchise - or, at least, the franchise as it was when I became a fan - but Picard leading a pre-warp civilisation on a dirt buggy chase for shits and giggles, culminating in jumping said dirt buggy into a spaceship, is about the least Captain Jean-Luc ‘The Prime Directive is more than just a set of rules[...]’ Picard thing imaginable. It’s tantamount to character assassination.)

As for JJTrek, well, the Corvette plus Beastie Boys - two things that I’d like in any other context - just sets the tone for the hyperactive melange of generic sci-fi action movie tripe, draped in the skin of the Star Trek franchise for - presumably - added commercial appeal, that the entire Kelvin Timeline has been so far.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > KirkyV 07/19/2016 at 10:47

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is it bad if I was entertained by the last two Star Trek movies?

KirkyV > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 07/19/2016 at 10:52

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Nah, I think they’re actually pretty well-made sci-fi action blockbusters.

They’re just not what I want out of Star Trek. The same’s true of a fair number of the pre-reboot films, honestly, but at least those had the characters, setting and at least some of the tone of the Star Trek I care about.

Agrajag > KirkyV 07/19/2016 at 10:57

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Nemesis - it has, if not my favourite, one of my top three Star Trek space battles

Agreed. I assume WoK is one of the others. The third?

LongbowMkII > KirkyV 07/19/2016 at 10:58

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All the movies have been bad.

Just sayin.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > KirkyV 07/19/2016 at 11:00

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Oh, yeah, there’s very little that’s actually Trek about the new movies but I’m all for anything that is sci-fi and decent enough to stand on its own as a competent movie.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > KirkyV 07/19/2016 at 11:01

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That’s more or less what I meant. The bit in Nemesis is a horribly marring pile of stupid, but the film itself is more tolerable as a whole. The JJTrek start scene isn’t a horrible scene per se, but indicates what’s ahead is not terribly Trek, and the rest of the movie is pretty flat. Nemesis is extremely uneven with a decent score overall, JJTrek 1, more broadly mediocre. Urban, Pegg, and Pine do what they can, but...

WiscoProud > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 07/19/2016 at 11:01

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I liked them, but I don't give a shit about the Star Trek universe. They could've changed every character and it wouldn't have bothered me.

KirkyV > Sam 07/19/2016 at 11:05

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Heh, I love Mass Effect a whole bunch, and I actually like Jaylah’s design, actor and name - she has the same name as my favourite character from a D&D podcast I listen to - buuuuuuut... Yeah, nah.

PS9 > KirkyV 07/19/2016 at 11:07

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If you play Dark Souls 3 instead, your desire for self flagellation will at least be rewarded with cool gear and a sense of accomplishment.

Textured Soy Protein > KirkyV 07/19/2016 at 11:14

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J.J. Trek 1 was entertaining although annoying about certain things, like why is a Romulan mining ship from not much later in the future than TNG so gigantic and well-armed, even compared to the Reman Scimitar from Nemesis that was already gigantic and powerful compared to the Enterprise E?

J.J. Trek 2: Into Dumbness was stupid on so many levels. “Hey guys, I have an idea! Even though we just went to the trouble of making an alternate timeline for this reboot series so we can have new, different adventures, let’s remake Wrath of Khan! But we’re going to make the whole PR campaign about this movie say Cumberbatch isn’t Khan!” That was just insulting.

I have hope for Beyond because it’s supposedly a mix of character-driven stuff and J.J. Trek-style action. Which sounds weird since it’s directed by Justin Lin of the Fast & Furious movies, but actually in addition to all their ridiculousness they do focus on the “family” of the characters and that’s a huge component of Star Trek.

KirkyV > Agrajag 07/19/2016 at 11:15

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Yeah, the ‘Battle of the Mutara Nebula’ is probably in first, buoyed by being the highlight of a great film, as opposed to the one redeeming feature of a shit film. If Nemesis were a decent movie, the ‘Battle of the Bassen Rift’ would probably clinch first, both on its own merit and because I’ve always been more of a TNG fan than anything else.

The third... Hmm, that’s a more difficult question than I’d anticipated.

Y’know, I might just give it to the Battle of Sector 001 from First Contact , purely because ‘It’s the Enterprise !’ still gives me goosebumps.

KirkyV > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 07/19/2016 at 11:19

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Y’see, that’s actually my attitude towards most sci-fi, too—had it not been called ‘Star Trek’, I’d probably have enjoyed the first Kelvin Timeline movie quite a bit, and looked forward to further entries in whichever new franchise it spawned with some anticipation.

Sadly, it was, and I very much do not.

Stapleface > KirkyV 07/19/2016 at 11:20

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I dig the JJ films. No, they aren’t the same as the originals, but I’m okay with that. I can separate the two universes, and I'm okay with them. Star Trek was never a cinematic masterpiece to begin with. I like them as a fun way to waste a couple of hours at the movie theater.

Agrajag > KirkyV 07/19/2016 at 11:21

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I wish that scene were like 10-15 minutes of carnage. Beautiful for the brief moment however.

KirkyV > PS9 07/19/2016 at 11:21

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But there aren’t any starships in Dark Souls! (Well, presumably—the lore in that series is weird af.)

MrDakka > KirkyV 07/19/2016 at 11:24

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If they want a Star Trek action movie, why haven’t they used the Dominion War as the backdrop/setting? Seems appropriate.

KirkyV > Stapleface 07/19/2016 at 11:25

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Good for you! I wish I could.

(No, for real: good for you—I bear no ill-will towards people who like JJ’s Trek movies/the Kelvin Timeline. I just can’t like it myself. That said, while I’ll agree that Star Trek’s never really been a great fit for the big screen, I do hold up TNG as basically the best thing to ever happen to television, so...)

KirkyV > MrDakka 07/19/2016 at 11:27

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I guess they’d prefer not to have to explain the context behind the war? Besides, that wouldn’t have been a reboot, and everything’s gotta be a reboot these days. (Note: I like some of the reboots. I still wish we were getting less of them.)

Stapleface > KirkyV 07/19/2016 at 11:35

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It was quite amazing what they were able to pull off on a budget during TNG's run. Honestly, I've probably liked all of the Star Trek tv shows in one form or another. I wish we would have gotten longer with Voyager, I really liked that one.

KirkyV > Stapleface 07/19/2016 at 11:38

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I was mainly there for the stories, but yeah, TNG had some fantastic visuals for the era. (I’m pretty sure these are all from the remaster, but it’s not like they changed the model work.)

I liked a lot of the bits of Voyager - Kate Mulgrew’s one of my favourite actors, and I love the Intrepid-class design, amongst other things - but the writing - particularly when it comes to the characterisations - was just so inconsistent that it killed it for me. It was like each character had a personality transplant every other episode.

Agrajag > KirkyV 07/19/2016 at 12:09

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Someone needs to make that first one into a “no fucks given gif”. Just overlay “fucks” onto the tiny ships.

KirkyV > Agrajag 07/19/2016 at 12:12

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I find it particularly useful in Star Wars vs Star Trek arguments.

PS9 > KirkyV 07/20/2016 at 09:10

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There aren’t any lens flares, Budweisers or motorcycles either. It’s also 100,000% guaranteed to never be directed by anyone associated with Bad Robot, or the Fast and Furious franchise, which means you won’t be desecrating the sacred and holy purpose the fire keeper in the last firelink shrine has by banging her, racing anyone in a what-the-fuck-is-this-doing-here vette, stang, or type-R civic, or making out with hot versions of the terrible abominations you’re supposed to be killing.